Dating or nah?

Hey babes! I’m back with another blog post for you all, let’s talk dating again...

*cues the city girl’s anthem*

It’s that season, when dudes cut a check for no reason!! (If you know me, you know this is my song)

Yes, I’m a fan of the city girls! You know why? Because they’re honest...they’re authentic... and they make music based off of personal experience. Similar to how I like to operate on here... Their music is raw and uncut. That’s what I love the most about them, that’s what makes them so transparent and relatable.

Now, I’m not talking about the pimping guys and taking all of their money part. Although, I don’t see the problem in dating and making sure you collect all that you can from that person. I mean we’re all grown right?

I don’t mean “rob him sis” but if they’re offering....don’t deny it! It’s simple.

Sometimes things can go from good to bad and just not work out. It happens, but I’m just saying make sure you don’t get the short end of the stick. You feel me?

Do I have you’re attention now? Okay, okay... Let’s get into the topic.

The dating game

Dating after being with someone for so long can be scary. You may feel anxious about dating or worried about them having similar traits as your ex, or fear of them NOT meeting all your expectations.

I get it, believe me.. I was in a relationship for 4 years during the entire time I was in undergrad. So you can say, I’ve never really experienced that “dating phase” that most people talk about as an adult. I never got to date and figure out what I really liked and disliked about a man.

You see, I played the game...but I never really took anyone serious.

I am big on energy and well I mean I’m extremely particular about who I allow in my space.

And due to the damage done from previous relationships...my skepticism is at an all time high. In knowing that I’m sure you can guess where I’m going with this...

Where things went wrong

So, I’ve got trust issues sis.

Don’t get me wrong....I’ve had a few “potential bae” here and there but my past relationship trauma just wouldn’t let me live...I tend to fight love or dating. You see, I don’t like to waste people’s time nor do I like for mine to be wasted.

But, I’ve noticed a familiar pattern in the type of guys I’ve been dating. I figured that was the reason things weren’t working out or at a standstill.

You see, I am a woman who demands attention and loves to have control over most things and when I feel I’m not getting that it becomes a problem for me, even at the least—I get turned off.

Yes, I’m a bit of a narcissist and spoiled but I want what I want when I want it. What’s wrong with that?

Absolutely nothing, until I bring those demands to my relationships. Honestly, I know I can’t demand a man or in fact anyone for that matter to do anything. All I can do is be myself and let him figure out that I’m worthy of all the attention.

Period.

That’s my m.o (modus operandi) on dating. I do not lower my standards, but however I try to relax a bit and let the relationship take its course.

After all, what’s meant to be will always be.

“I know what I bring to the table...so trust me when I say I’m not afraid to eat alone”

Learning to do what makes me happy

I’m still learning to spend more time focusing on what makes me happy and once I truly grasps that...a man will come along and add to that.

What I know now is that, I looked for a man to define my happiness instead of myself. Ultimately, that was the real issue.

Happiness should come from within, and well after my breakup it was hard finding ways to make myself happy again.

The truth is, I was setting high expectations and demands for the guys I was dating due to being afraid to get hurt again and that’s why I feel things weren’t working out.

My Tips on dating

• Do what makes YOU happy. Start doing more of what you love.

• Be kind to yourself. Motivate yourself. If you notice some toxic traits you’d like to change make a list and make some changes. But, be nice to yourself during that process.

• Let it GO. If the vibe is off listen to it. Don’t force anything, you want to avoid wasting time. Trust your instincts, if it feels wrong then it’s wrong.

• Be OPEN. (Slowly) I know, after a relationship it can be hard to open up to someone but do your best to let that wall back down. Don’t discriminate, don’t rule out someone based on your “type” it’s dating. You never know what you might like.

• HAVE FUN. Dating should be fun not stressful. Try a new spot you’ve been wanting to try. Be adventurous and get to know him sis, don’t make it hard just go with the flow and enjoy yourself.

• Be patient. You don’t want to rush things, keep things at a steady healthy pace. Don’t go looking for a man or desperately trying to find ways to get one. Focus on you and know that love will find its way to you.

• Date in private. Unless there is a relationship established (equally) don’t go telling everyone who you’re dating. Share it with those you know will be happy for you and give you real advice. Some good things should be kept to yourself.

These tips have helped me in some ways...I hope they can help you too.

Now, I want to hear from you...

What has your dating experience been like? Let me know in the comments below.

Until next time