COLORISM

Ever have questions that need answers? Well, me too...

I’m back, and whew chile with some questions that I want answers too.

We all have questions we ask in order to get an answer right? Have you ever got really frustrated because the questions were answered with another question, or not even answered at all? I know I have, all throughout my life. I always found myself asking the tougher questions and never really getting an answer or being told “that’s too deep” or “you’re off topic missy” Can you relate? That was my reality and still is.

My Experience

Whats most uncomfortable for you?

As a dark skinned woman I have always been asked questions like, “Are you Nigerian” or told “You have to be from Africa with those features and that skin color”. Immediately after being asked I would always feel ashamed of not being able to confirm those assumptions or being asked too many times and then feeling annoyed that they even asked me that. I know that sounds crazy right? Don’t get me wrong, Nigerian, Ghanaian and many other African woman are BEAUTIFUL. We are all beautiful. However, these were questions that triggered me and I wanted answers to. Do I look African? Is that a bad thing? Should I be offended? Well, the reality of it all is that those are my roots. I am identified as being of African descent whether I’m from America or Nigeria. I know, I should take those assumptions as compliments and not as insults but the truth is..I hated being asked those questions, there I said it. I hated it because I felt my beauty was being defined, or my cultural identity was being shunned.

My Biggest Issue

My issue wasn’t about the assumptions of being African, its the fact that I felt I couldn’t freely express who I am based on the color of my skin. It was the fact that if I wasn’t African then I had to automatically be from the poorer parts “the ghetto”. They would basically tell me who I was and try to categorize me with other woman with similar features. That was wrong, and I was entitled to feel this way. I allowed the small resentment towards the question to fester and turn into anger. My response’s to those types of questions became more and more aggressive. My anger turned into defensiveness, and I allowed myself to always keep an attitude if asked anything about my beauty (even if it was being admired).

My Reaction

"How others treat me is their path, how I react is mine." -SZA

I am pretty sure you are reading this and waiting for me to get to the point already. Well it wasn’t until I got to graduate school and met a professor who I was able to relate to as she discussed colorism within the black community and the associations of guilt, resentment and defensiveness to anger. I was able to express my resentment and dive deeper into the real issue. I am from a well-known city with a rich culture and I couldn’t relate to the other ethnical groups I was being pinned to. That is where my shame came from, because originally when asked that particular question, I assumed the trigger was the comparison to African woman. However, my dilemma resides with colorism and the lack of knowledge and exposure people have about it, including myself. Now, I know you’re probably thinking it’s not that serious, its just a question maybe they didn't mean it that way. True, it is just a question but I want to be able to convey who I am without being automatically placed in a box. We are all made up of many different layers in life whether that be our family dynamics, color of our skin or culture. Ultimately we deserve the opportunity to be able to show that without any interruptions or ignorant questions that stem from ideology. You feel me? You see, colorism was the real enemy we conquered through that dialogue.

The Bottom Line

My point is still valid but I now have a new found focus. In order to be free and truly walk in the purpose of God we all have to be able to ask the questions that need answers. I am Black and Beautiful, and guess what...it doesn’t matter what city, state or country I am originally from, or the shade of color that I am. The challenge in this all is to believe it at all times even when others are curious or question it. The key is to love yourself, and be confident in who you are. I finally got the guts to talk about this, it may seem very small from a birds eye view but I hope some how you understand where I’m coming from.

Thank you for reading if you’ve read this far, I hope you have a great weekend and look out for my next post.

-Jadé Montiniqué.